Thursday, December 19, 2013

My great loss

This past August my childhood dream came true.  I got a horse.  Well, my amazingly sweet fiance got me a horse as a surprise for my 30th birthday.  I've literally dreamed of having a horse since before I could even say the word "horse," and had been seriously looking for a couple of months.  I met Sequoia the week before he became mine, thinking I was trying out a lesson horse for my instructor.  The following week when I went to the barn there he was in the stall, and my fiance announced that he was mine.  Shock and surreal don't begin to cover the overflow of joy I felt.  I cried with joy.  Such a sweet and precious gift.  Sequoia was a 3 year old Appaloosa gelding - cute and goofy and beautiful all in one.  Everyone commented that he was the sweetest horse they'd ever met.  He would follow me around the paddock like a puppy dog, and played with the sheep he lived with.  He was so quiet and level-headed and he trusted me enough to do whatever I asked of him, even though he was just a baby.  Sequoia was my refuge.



A month ago Chris (my fiance) came into my office and told me he had some bad news.  My dad had just called.  He had found Sequoia on the  wrong side of the fence with a very badly broken leg.  There was no sign of struggle or escape - no sign or evidence of anything going wrong.  There was nothing they could do for him. The vet was on his way.  As you can imagine, I was in hysterics.  My father didn't allow me to see him - he thought it would be too traumatizing for me.  I understood, but the feeling of hopelessness was so intense.  To just sit there knowing Sequoia's body was out in the cold and dark.

It has been a very hard past month, and I go through periods of grief and blame and anger.  The weekends are especially hard because that's when I would spend the most time with him.  I enjoyed his company as much on the ground as on his back.  I know it was no one's fault, and horses are a contradiction of strength and fragility.  We had professional pasture management consultants inspect the fence before we brought him home, and after we lost him, and they say the paddock was 100% safe.  It is hard for me to even look at the field now and just see the sheep - not my beautiful boy.


I'm sorry to bring you such a sad story today, but I just wanted to do it for Sequoia's sake.  I hadn't even managed to post about him coming into my life before he died.  He was my first horse and I had him for less than two months.  It's hard not knowing what went wrong and therefore not knowing what to fix.  It's hard because I feel like I failed to keep him safe.  I was looking forward to growing with him and all the years we potentially had together.

Remember during the holiday season (and always), to keep your loved ones (both furry and humans) - close.  To be grateful for their health and happiness, and always remember that our time, while a gift,  is not guaranteed, and that all we can do is live in the moment and try to enjoy every precious second.


Thanks to all of you who read this.

Love,
Ashley

20 comments:

MappingKat said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. Love to you.

luv2felt said...

I am so sorry for your loss. How horrible for you and your loved ones. He was beautiful.

ashley@decorologyblog.com said...

@MappingKat - Thank you so much

ashley@decorologyblog.com said...

@luv2felt - Thank you so much - he was very special.

Alexandra said...

I am so sorry for your loss. He was beautiful. You gave him two month of love and happiness.

Vidya Sudarsan said...

Ashley, I am so sorry to hear your loss. He looked so calm and beautiful. This must be very hard for you.. take care.

Catherine said...

I had an Appaloosa gelding when I was a child - they are such sweethearts! Thoughts and prayers for you in this time of loss...

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. He was a beautiful horse that was lucky to be loved so by someone like you.thank you for sharing

bmoore said...

I am so sorry for your loss.ortaho les

Becki said...

What an unimaginable loss. Owning a horse is a dream of mine as well. I'm so sorry.

Keydoor said...

I thought I posted a comment, so forgive me if I repeat myself. Just wanted to thank you for sharing your story and offer my condolences. Losing a pet is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Jennifer Kiko said...

What a beautiful boy! I'm so sorry for your sadness. They're such majestic creatures and they leave a large void when they go. God bless.

jackyj said...

I'm so sorry for your loss! He was a beautiful horse and friend. Take care

Jacky

ashley@decorologyblog.com said...

Thanks so much to all of you - your thoughts have really helped and mean so much...

Yennie Solheim Fuller said...

I'm so terribly sorry to hear this. I own horses and know what an incredibly painful thing it is to lose one. Though nothing can make the pain go away, know that he must have loved you so much and that there are so many warm wishes being sent your way.

dedemetal said...

Hello Ashley, I sent you an email too. I was reaching out to you for work, but I just wanted you to know that I cried when I read your post about Sequoia. I am so sorry for your loss. I am an animal person too and I refer to my dog as my beautiful boy all the time.

Linda@ Lime in the Coconut said...

Awww Ashley. There truly are no words. I am SOO sorry. My daughter lost her love of a horse last year. It hurts so so much.

Mulligan said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a horse is incredibly difficult and this is a terrible time of year to loose your friend. I don't know you (only read your blog from time to time) but I'm sending hugs and positive thoughts your way.

dervla @ The Curator said...

Ashley, i'm so so sorry for your loss, what a horrific event. I hope that you will heal in time.

Sarah said...

My deepest sympathies...I can relate as I had to say goodbye to my beloved cat last year and it was the hardest day of my life...I was told it was a 'last act of love' which is strangely true. Prayers for you and your friend - he will always be with you. xo

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